Beach trip

                                                                                         

                                                           
   
       Hey little buddy ,

I just thought I would share a few  photos of where Pawpaw and myself went to the beach this past Easter weekend . This was breakfast on Easter morning .

   (Don't we just look like the Easter bunny tackled us and                           threw us in a bunch of egg dye?)

 Pawpaw has been acquiring a pretty extensive tye-dye
t-shirt collection . I am so Jelly about it .
I just realized that in taking this picture that Pawpaw's John ne beach hat is the same color as my hair . Ironic?  Who knows ?

This picture is of Pawpaw John flying our sea turtle kite . Surprisingly enough it went into the air with little to no effort at all , he sat there on the sand while holding the kite into the air , released his grip and into the air it soared . Higher and higher .

 



Here we are playing putt putt . And if I must say so we are not that bad at it . I find a easier then trying to play golf on the WII. I still like playing Hot shots golf on the Playstation 2.                          

 JUST A COUPLE OF HOLES .

       

Home away from home .

Shocked ....

Hey there little man ,
         I hope you are doing well . I just have to write to you even though I know you can't read yet ,but you will be able to one day and hopefully you will find this . Your dad sent me a message . so here it is .

I'm not trying to get into a big argument or back in forth bickering. Do you know how I can get in contact with Brandi? I have some legal matters we need to get figured out. I've messaged her on here and haven't gotten anything back. .

       It took a few days before it actually hit me that it was a recent message from him and not the old ones where he told me I could not see you anymore , but none the less he reached out to me to find your mom . I did all I could . I called all the numbers I had and I sent messages to who I thought may be able to reach her that's all I could do .I mean , about that . I believe I might of made her upset with me . You see I wrote her a letter about how I felt and what I went through when she and your aunt B were small and how I did all I could do to do  the right thing for them when they were little like you are now .  I think she may of taken it the wrong way. You see I know how it feels to not have your children with you . When others continuously try to keep them away from you .  I had to fight to be in their life because others felt like I was not good enough to be their mom . I knew one day they would be with me  ,but that distance that was created by those other people created such a huge distance between me and them . I feel that distance deep in my heart for them then and you  now . All these feelings of hurt and and all that anger just keeps bubbling up inside me . It haunts me .I know I will never be able to get that back ,all of those precious moments from where they were so young all of those things I was forced to miss.  I know it wont do anyone any good to stay hurt and sad and angry .I know that .  I know I need to accept that you are gone from my life , but it is so hard thinking I may never get to see you or hold you again . Knowing that you are out there somewhere .  And I can't help but be sad . Even in the best case scenario if your mom and dad could fix whats broken and I do finally get to be in your life again . (I would be the Meme ever ! ) I feel I would still be sad because so much time has passed and you don't even know who I am anymore . I would just be some old woman to you . You would not  be able to remember riding on papa Johns tractor ,or riding your tricycle in the yard ,or playing in the huge pile of leaves in the fall . All the games we would play together when you knew who we were . That makes me sad . I love you much . I just thought you should know . 

I don't really know how to react to it but I took a deep breath and replied ...    

    I don't know Joe . And so you know I would not get into a argument with you .You are the father to me grandson whom I love dearly but can not see. I am tired hurting from all of this . I hope that one day we can move on from this and we can be a family again .I love you too Joe because you are the father of my grandson . I sent her a copy of your message on messenger that's all I can do . I hope you are both well . Peace

Hey Bud ,

    Hey Bud ,
            I hope you are well . This Spring I find I am just a bit more sad than usual . You see it seems as if all of my neighbors now have grandchildren and families coming over and they play in the street riding their bikes and scooters and bonce their balls . I hear them laugh and squeal because they are so happy . My heart breaks because I can't have that with you . When you were small you were here and now you are not .So many years have passed and will continue to do so . You probably don't even remember us any more . I know no one talks to you about us and if they do I am sure it is not in a positive manner and I am sorry for that . We did nothing wrong ,but yet we are being punished . Having such a gift like you in our lives and ..... your gone and no one knows where you are . And when I ask they refuse to say . Its..... "Joe wont have it "! Like what did I do to him ? Other than bring him into my trust and man did he hurt me . He hurt everyone around me . He continues to do it even today . I have done nothing but reach out to him and his family and they shut me down at every turn . I have no hard feelings except I have an empty place were you use to be . I have my memories and no one can take them away from me like he did you . I am sad from missing you . I will not stop writing to you . I just can't do it as often as I would like because I get so sad . I wonder about you everyday . I wonder if you are happy . I wonder if you know who your mommy is . I have a friend who has a grandson your age and I wonder if you are as tall as he is .  I wonder how you are doing in school , if you have lots of friends . Do you laugh like you used to ? Of course you don't because you are a big boy now .Your 8 going on 9 this December . The last time I seen you ,you were so small and you were crying because you didn't want to leave . I didn't want you to have to go , but it was not up to me.  I love you Damian . Always and always .
                                                          Your Meme Billie Jo 

Letters to Damian: Little Man

Letters to Damian: Little Man:                                                                                                                                         ...

Little Man

                                                                     

                                                                             

     

Hey little man ,
 
   Your mom called me yesterday and she was so upset. Apparently she has been working while staying with some friends and was waiting on her tax return so she could move out and your father has done something to involve child support , while that is all fine and good with the exception that no one will tell her or me where you are . (the good thing about that is now she can find out information on him and you  ) As a grandparent in this state  I have no legal rights to information on you through the system . I am sure she does not mind paying child support it is the fact they she still does not know where you are or have the ability to see you because of your dad Joe and your Grandma R continue hiding you away from her . Which is rather juvenile . Every time your mom comes to visit me we look for you and like vapor they vanish yet again in thin air .I hope they  are taking care of you .Giving you all that you need and want . I know your grandmother was working at the Dollar General in Asheboro and your Aunt K was working at the Waffle house in Randleman I don't know if they still do .I can not go into those places because of the hostility they give me when I did go in those places . I find them by sheer luck but neither would give me information to your father . I asked your grandma when I would be able to see you and all she said was " Joe will not have it !'' Like seriously what did I do to him ? He lived in my homes and I did all I could for him and your mom while they were still together , and I am the bad person here ? I don't think so . Fear has your dad hiding you from us , I think it is because he knows that he will  have to co-parent with your mom . She has rights but without knowing where you are , how can she get those rights ? It is going on 6 years now since any of us have seen you or known where you are or the people that I hope are taking care of you . Giving you all the love and happiness you deserve .They hide you away from us like you are a piece of property  . A pawn in some sort of sick game in which he gets to make the rules up as he goes along . In the meantime he is hurting your mother and you in the process . I hope without the knowledge of the pain he is causing to my daughter and inadvertently you as well . I mean to say if he is causing her pain on purpose he is more twisted than I though .You should not be keep away from your mom ( or us )she continues searching for you and she gets knocked down time after time after time but she still searches for you . She like many of us as humans has made mistakes , some questionable choices . ( Only questionable to others not to her , she has been hurt by your father and he continues to hurt her even now by keeping you hidden away from her )Your dad plays his games dirty with her  he does not fight fair . He should not be keeping you away from her like he is and has. She is not the bad person here he is . Parents together or apart should get along for the child's sake (I believe any way )  Your father loved her once as she loved him and he continues to wreck her and my heart breaks for that pain he is continuously causing her .It seems like any moment of happiness she has a chance to grab , somehow your father manages alone or with the help of others to try to that happiness . His ego is crushed because she was trying to find her own for the two of you and when she got her life together she brought you to him for a visit and he disappears with you without a trace  . My daughter is left heartbroken and stressed at her wit's end in loss of not knowing where you are or bringing able to see you , to hold you in her arms . That is a pain no parent should have to go through . That is a pain no person should have to go through . It breaks my heart to know that her heart breaks from the absence of you in her life . It is not right that she is being hurt over and over by your dad .He should try to repair the damage he is doing to her for the love of you in his heart .If for no other reason then to create a wholeness in you . To make you a happy with having your mom in your life . So has been through enough pain . She needs you . You are her life , and she is broken with out her little boy . I just dont understand how your daddy can not see that . Time has pasted and it is time to forgive and find away to move forward together .

                      I could not sleep and had to write to you . We love you so much Damian
                      we miss you deeply and I know one day you will be reunited with us.
                       
                                       May the light of day bring new perspective ......

                                                                                    Love you Always and Forever ,
                                                                                                Your Meme ,
                                                                                                           Billie Jo