October

     Well my little man it is that time of the Season again where  a chill hits the air and soon the little goblins and spooks come out to play. It is my favorite time of year but also the saddest due to the fact that I can not see you . It seems like the whole neighborhood has grandchildren running around and I find that I a bitter for the fact that we can not be a part of each others lives .  All I have are memories.
 So I will share of with you .I am sure you have seen these already ,but seeing how we have not seen You I don't have any others.  
                 

 I still rake up all the leaves from in the yard . Last year your Aunt Cherokee and one of her friends played in them . I too go out and jump in the pile an occasion . I like to run through them and just make a big old leafy yard mess . It has been known to look worse after the leaves are played in then it does before we rake and blow them in to the pile .

 You and your Mommy this is the last Halloween that we got to pend with you . You were a red Power Ranger in a hunters cap . Lol . If I recall correctly you were also cranky from lack of a nap or was it because you woke up from a nap . Either was you were a bit cranky . But , my boy even when you were cranky you were still a sweet boy.
                                 
                                 

And here is a picture of me your Meme dressed in my going to town clothes . Your Nana and I used to dress up every year for Halloween. We would say that this was the only time of the year we could actually be our selves .  So , To you my little man I hope you are well and  that Magic finds you and keeps you safe .I look forward to the day when we will once again be reunited  

Love Always Meme

My darling boy ,

Hello my dearest boy , 

     Another  school year is here for you . I am not sure what grade you are in now  I am ashamed to say .  The 1st or 2nd .I guess that comes with not knowing where you are  being forced to be absent in ones life .But , I have always had an issue with memories . Short term that is . Well , I choose not to remember  much , much , much of my youth for it was how can I say this with out sounding crass ? Hmm it , Sucked ! Pretty much . I only hope your childhood is better .  Alas , I am still at times trying to get over it  . But enough about me for now  .Oh , how I miss you  little man . The days have turned into weeks ,the weeks have turned into months and the months have turned into years and time continues to pass, I can only hope that I will get to know you before I am too old to play  . It is now going on 4 years since we have seen your smiling face in our home  .Playing with the animals . I don't have anyone to watch cartoons with ( Yes, I still watch cartoons ) and to this day I can not watch "Up" to save my  life , because that was your favorite .  We have your little red tricycle it is hanging in the building  . I think you got to play with it a few days before you were taking away from us . Before your other Grandma came and took you crying from my arms . I still have night mares about that . Your Father could not even come and get you his self he sent his mother and his sister to take you from me . And he hides you from us , like we are villains , not letting us be a part of your life . Little does he know (unless I die first )which I hope to live a long vibrant life  . I will see you again . I know in my heart of hearts I will see you again .  My Goddess will make sure of that little one.  
Although you  are getting bigger with every passing day and learning more . I only hope you are happy and you are being loved enough . We are here for you Damian and we love you dearly that will never change .  Peace go with you my little angel .Sweet Dreams , Happy Dream , Pleasant Dreams We Love you  dearly , Good night . 

                                                      Sweet dreams little man

                                                                               

 

The day before Easter 2015

 Hey Buddy ,
                   
                 I hope this letter finds you well . I miss you , more than you could ever know .I have not seen any new pictures on the internet lately ,but I am sure your are getting bigger as everyday goes by . Let me see you should be in the first or second grade now . I did find a picture of you at school eating lunch you didn't look too happy ,but sometimes new things are scary and school will did that to a little person . I hate this time of year when it is about the children . You know Easter bunnies and baskets filled with goodies . I missed a lot of that when it came to your mom , you know with us being kept apart . but I could see her and your aunt Brittany every chance I could . 

         

I know I wrote along time ago that I would write to you every day ,and I am sorry I can't . You see Buddy , it is just too hard . It is taking everything I have every time I sit down to type to you . I start to cry and my heart breaks all over again . I remember what it was like for me to be kept away from your mom and aunt when they were little girls ,due to others thinking it was the best for them because I would rather build houses and work hard for little money. Instead of being a file clerk or  Secretary for an Insurance company . You see your great grandparents were old time people were women did lady like jobs and men were the breadwinners of the families . It was a different time than . I was a headstrong ,  independent young woman much like your mom . Our pride and honor stands in our way to a lot  of times , and she ,like me ,won't have someone try to make us do something that we know is wrong . And people will lie to you about us because their pride is hurt and they egos wont let them see that they are wrong for what they are doing to us by keeping us all part . 

But, that is a different story altogether. I am here for you and I hope to live long enough to see you again someday . But , until than ... I hope the Easter Bunny leaves you a big basket full of lots and lots of goodies for Easter . 

                              Always  Meme

My Dearest Damian , 

                   I thought I found away to at least be able to see you if only by pictures but I no longer can . I dont know why your father is so hateful to those of us who love you and who are longing to see you . I do not know why he runs away  everytime I try to reach out for you he snatches you away. The last time I spoke to him he said if I didn't stop trying to see you he would take me to court . Take me to court , there is no court that would keep a caring Grandmother from seeing her grandchild with all of the proof I have against him .  I dont know why he hides you from us . I can only hope that one day he will either stop running and realize that I mean you know harm  and forgive himself for whatever it is he is doing ,or maybe oneday you will become old enough to find me to decide for yourself and find us. I don't know why he is scared of you knowing who we are . He said I could not see you without his permission . So?  All I asked of him was to let me , us be apart of your life . I would never hurt you or him .  He is doing ALL of the grief dealing himself  . I know he must of been hurt  when your mother left him , but he pushed her away  (and from my point of view he had a lot of help taking you from your mommy ) He was mean to her . I know she tried all she could . She didn't leave you my love . She took you with her and when she brought you back to visit with him before he was to  leave for training to join the national guard for whatever reason he  was gone with you when she returned . She nor I have seen you since then , your were 2 . I miss you . It has been so long . It is hard for me to breathe sometimes I have horrible headaches pretty much all the time now . Sometimes , I am afraid I will never see you again my little man . I don't have the energy at times to get up and come here and write to you like I would like to . I have suffered  so much heartbreak in my 43 years  here , and I am tried . I feel at times I may die of a broken heart , I was forced away from my family and now you . For 3 years I have not seen you , only in pictures here and there . 

I hope you are happy little one in the pictures I seen today you look so sad . Oh so sad . My heart breaks . I hope you receive enough love where ever you are . I love you Meme