Hello D,

 

     Its me . I am your Meme . That is what you called me until they took you from my arms . I know one day you will be back in our lives . One day we will be able to once again hear your laughter and see your smile . I think about you everyday and I know your mothers does as well . She has changed so much from when you were small and they hide  you away from her . Ever so tears we would almost find you and you would disappear once more . I have bumped into your other grandmother and she is always as hateful as ever. She knows where you are I only hope you get your every wish fulfilled and plenty of hugs. You are a young man now soon you will be 14 . I seen you were on the honor roll in school . Your so smart . We are so proud of you and all you achieve . I love you . We love and your are apart of our family too . 

                Always love , your Meme,                                                        Billie Jo

                                              

I had a dream ,

 Hello little man ,

 I had a dream about you last night or maybe it was this morning ? I was sleeping so I am really unsure of the time .  Any who I had a small listening device like a baby monitor ( I don't know where it came from and somehow the other end was with you ) I could hear you talking calling out Meme , meme, I was so excited I could not contain myself so I answered back . " I am your Meme, don't be scared " and you said " I know you,Meme "
       
                             ( THIS IS STARTING TO MAKE ME CRY ) 

You said " I know you , Meme" I asked you if you are happy and you said "yes" . I asked you if you like your school and you said ..." yes " I asked you if you know how much you are Loved by us ? and you said " yes " . We love you Damian so much .

Always Meme,

Hey ,

 Hey buddy  .
    Sorry it has been so long since you have heard from me  I have started working on our family tree through Ancestry.com I did my DNA so if one day if we should never meet again ....( mind you that is if you should ever do a DNA  test through Ancestry  as will you will have a connection to Our side of the family ) . I was at the Randleman Walmart Friday ( which was 2/9/2018 so you know ) and I was walking to the Dollar tree and I seen your Aunt Kasandra coming out of the smoke shop . She had her head down so I know she seen me before I even spoke to her . ( I can not imagine what I have done to those people of yours ......I THINK IT IS BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOUR FATHER WAS WRONG IN TAKING YOU AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER THE WAY HE DID ) she brought to you him for visitation and well yo know he took you and you are hidden away from us .  Anyway I said " Hey Kasandra , hows Damian  "? she said hey before I could even get  my hey out .... but when it came to a response for my "hows  Damian "she just grumbled at me . One day I will bump into you all and you and I know you will see me and we will smile at each other even if you don't know who I am because we have a connection that is in our blood and no one can take that away from us .( and of course because I have blue hair ) lol  . Your mom is well and she continues to stay strong for you . I know she struggles because she misses you so much . I know because we can feel that empty spot where you once where in our lives . I found a blurry picture of you and your dad Joe. You are getting so big . If they dont want us to find you then they should not put images up on public sites , but knowing them they do it because they hope it will provoke us more pain in missing you and it does . I mean one has to have a heart made of stone to keep on hurting us the way they do . I mean just writing this to you brings up feeling I  hope you never ever experience .  .

Love always  Your Meme 

Beach trip

                                                                                         

                                                           
   
       Hey little buddy ,

I just thought I would share a few  photos of where Pawpaw and myself went to the beach this past Easter weekend . This was breakfast on Easter morning .

   (Don't we just look like the Easter bunny tackled us and                           threw us in a bunch of egg dye?)

 Pawpaw has been acquiring a pretty extensive tye-dye
t-shirt collection . I am so Jelly about it .
I just realized that in taking this picture that Pawpaw's John ne beach hat is the same color as my hair . Ironic?  Who knows ?

This picture is of Pawpaw John flying our sea turtle kite . Surprisingly enough it went into the air with little to no effort at all , he sat there on the sand while holding the kite into the air , released his grip and into the air it soared . Higher and higher .

 



Here we are playing putt putt . And if I must say so we are not that bad at it . I find a easier then trying to play golf on the WII. I still like playing Hot shots golf on the Playstation 2.                          

 JUST A COUPLE OF HOLES .

       

Home away from home .

Shocked ....

Hey there little man ,
         I hope you are doing well . I just have to write to you even though I know you can't read yet ,but you will be able to one day and hopefully you will find this . Your dad sent me a message . so here it is .

I'm not trying to get into a big argument or back in forth bickering. Do you know how I can get in contact with Brandi? I have some legal matters we need to get figured out. I've messaged her on here and haven't gotten anything back. .

       It took a few days before it actually hit me that it was a recent message from him and not the old ones where he told me I could not see you anymore , but none the less he reached out to me to find your mom . I did all I could . I called all the numbers I had and I sent messages to who I thought may be able to reach her that's all I could do .I mean , about that . I believe I might of made her upset with me . You see I wrote her a letter about how I felt and what I went through when she and your aunt B were small and how I did all I could do to do  the right thing for them when they were little like you are now .  I think she may of taken it the wrong way. You see I know how it feels to not have your children with you . When others continuously try to keep them away from you .  I had to fight to be in their life because others felt like I was not good enough to be their mom . I knew one day they would be with me  ,but that distance that was created by those other people created such a huge distance between me and them . I feel that distance deep in my heart for them then and you  now . All these feelings of hurt and and all that anger just keeps bubbling up inside me . It haunts me .I know I will never be able to get that back ,all of those precious moments from where they were so young all of those things I was forced to miss.  I know it wont do anyone any good to stay hurt and sad and angry .I know that .  I know I need to accept that you are gone from my life , but it is so hard thinking I may never get to see you or hold you again . Knowing that you are out there somewhere .  And I can't help but be sad . Even in the best case scenario if your mom and dad could fix whats broken and I do finally get to be in your life again . (I would be the Meme ever ! ) I feel I would still be sad because so much time has passed and you don't even know who I am anymore . I would just be some old woman to you . You would not  be able to remember riding on papa Johns tractor ,or riding your tricycle in the yard ,or playing in the huge pile of leaves in the fall . All the games we would play together when you knew who we were . That makes me sad . I love you much . I just thought you should know . 

I don't really know how to react to it but I took a deep breath and replied ...    

    I don't know Joe . And so you know I would not get into a argument with you .You are the father to me grandson whom I love dearly but can not see. I am tired hurting from all of this . I hope that one day we can move on from this and we can be a family again .I love you too Joe because you are the father of my grandson . I sent her a copy of your message on messenger that's all I can do . I hope you are both well . Peace

Hey Bud ,

    Hey Bud ,
            I hope you are well . This Spring I find I am just a bit more sad than usual . You see it seems as if all of my neighbors now have grandchildren and families coming over and they play in the street riding their bikes and scooters and bonce their balls . I hear them laugh and squeal because they are so happy . My heart breaks because I can't have that with you . When you were small you were here and now you are not .So many years have passed and will continue to do so . You probably don't even remember us any more . I know no one talks to you about us and if they do I am sure it is not in a positive manner and I am sorry for that . We did nothing wrong ,but yet we are being punished . Having such a gift like you in our lives and ..... your gone and no one knows where you are . And when I ask they refuse to say . Its..... "Joe wont have it "! Like what did I do to him ? Other than bring him into my trust and man did he hurt me . He hurt everyone around me . He continues to do it even today . I have done nothing but reach out to him and his family and they shut me down at every turn . I have no hard feelings except I have an empty place were you use to be . I have my memories and no one can take them away from me like he did you . I am sad from missing you . I will not stop writing to you . I just can't do it as often as I would like because I get so sad . I wonder about you everyday . I wonder if you are happy . I wonder if you know who your mommy is . I have a friend who has a grandson your age and I wonder if you are as tall as he is .  I wonder how you are doing in school , if you have lots of friends . Do you laugh like you used to ? Of course you don't because you are a big boy now .Your 8 going on 9 this December . The last time I seen you ,you were so small and you were crying because you didn't want to leave . I didn't want you to have to go , but it was not up to me.  I love you Damian . Always and always .
                                                          Your Meme Billie Jo 

Letters to Damian: Little Man

Letters to Damian: Little Man:                                                                                                                                         ...